As I start working on this post, I can’t help but to crack myself up. I laugh at myself a lot and I’m usually my biggest judge. This past week I’d been wondering why I hadn’t been able to pen down a single word in here. “I’m just maybe not inspired, too tired, or too busy,” I said to myself. Then a recent setback in a situation I thought was progressing shed some light on me. I only write when something traumatizes me. Even if I don’t always write about the situation that’s bothering me, it is only when certain feelings are triggered within me that words pour down like rain.
I recently started contributing with a few columns at a local online newspaper; something I’ve been wanting to do for a while. So as I turned in three pieces for review, the director called me almost immediately. He said the pieces were fine but they were literally “lacking a certain something” and maybe I should just write about the recent news on genetically modified pet pigs. My mind immediately went on lockdown. I couldn’t write anything anymore. I still don’t know how to handle this, because I enjoy writing more than anything lately and it definitely calms the raging waters in my head, but why am I only writing when in “shock” or even maybe, disturbed? I just had to confess. I haven’t got the slightest idea. Except maybe I’m writing as a conscious distraction.
Following up with the setback I mentioned before, many a few times we’ve encountered ourselves with a fork on the road. One which will confuse you and make you question each and every choice before you. You try to think and connect the dots so the choice is at least the most accurate one, if not, the correct one.
I can’t stop saying this every time I find my self in said situations, but ever since I turned 25, the quarter-life crisis hit me and I was changed forever. I started trusting the inner voices within me regarding the whats and what nots. It’s not easy to learn how to listen to yourself. Especially when certain things (like wanting to continue with pointless relationships or striving to reach out to things you no longer need in your life) quiet your inner voice down even more.
But the itchy feeling you can’t shake off still stays, amIright? I cannot stress this enough: listen to yourself. I’ve always been told I overthink like crazy. The difference between intuition and over thinking is that intuition is just like your mirror image telling you about the red flags. When we try to shut it down we proceed to the dreaded act of over thinking, which is just plain going over and over AND over things trying to incorporate logic within. Over thinking does not lead you to insights and you will ponder on things longer than needed. It leaves you stressed and worn out. Eventually, we seek support about the situation with our closest ones, ending even more entangled than before.
So regarding the said setback in my particular situation, the only thing I’ve proven to myself is that I was right all along. “I thought” it was progressing, but I knew it was just a matter of time until “sh*t hit the fan”. Once again, I could’ve saved myself from a few awkward sentiments, but hey, I wouldn’t have been able to write here.
Till next time?
MM
Marie Momentum 